I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
