It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She announced her abortion via fbk
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
