I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
