Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
