Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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