Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
