We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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