Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Verdict: uncircumcised.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
