When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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