Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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