I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
