break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
