Duck Duck Cougar?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
