saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
