I think I died a long time ago.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
