I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
