I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
