i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
high people should be assigned attendants
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
