Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
