There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
