I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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