That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
