I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
