Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A+ Viking dick
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
