worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
