Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
