I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
