Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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