PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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