i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
