i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
We're too hungover to prance.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
