After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
