Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm at about main and main street
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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