Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
