After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
