I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
