i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
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