If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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