READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
