I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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