I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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