We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
