ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
