My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
