Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
