dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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