Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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