Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
