I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
That's when you crack a 10am beer
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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