Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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